Mayfield and Belov presents: Camp Here and There.
Episode Thirty Two: The Pyre of the Muse
[CLICK][DING]SYDNEYTally hello, assorted breakfast-wanters. It’s 8:60 in the morning and the moon, you’ll note, is acting like it — that is, she’s nowhere to be seen. How sad — it seems she’s shelved her dreams of self-actualization in favor of what she feels is her duty. Well, if it was up to me, I’d say the moon should be whatever she wants to be, and to hell with the ties that bind her. Abandon us to the night! We can handle it.Ahhhhh, to overthrow nature…Anywhat. In light of recent events, I’m saddled with the unfortunate task of letting you all know that the nurse’s office is on semi-lockdown until further notice, and anyone who desires medical attention must be personally escorted by Jedidiah in order to be allowed inside. I really am sorry for this, because the possibility that some of you might experience a delay in care is distressing, but we simply can’t take any risks about someone unwelcome slipping in. I reassure you that I’m still looking after them — look, I’m waving through the window! Do you see me?Not much to report this morning — thanks to the extended security measures you’ve already been briefed on, nothing too crazy has had the opportunity to happen. I guess the most interesting thing that has happened was that failed ritual Cabin Dung Beetle seemed to carry out this morning. What was the deal with that? All of you marched out to the bonfire in a phalanx, holding the once-stolen sentimental objects that the Elephant Man mysteriously returned last week, and you tossed them into the flame. Then you stood there, holding hands and chanting as if… well, I’m not sure I want to guess. [HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.] Anyway, nothing really happened, and in the end you all slowly drifted away like a bunch of disappointed continents. But… forgive me… I’m a bit jumpy today. Was all of that — ?Ah — ! Look who it is! Jedidiah, come on in.JEDIDIAHMallory scraped her knee.SYDNEYOh, dear, alright. Take a seat in that cot, Mallory, we’ll have a look at you as soon as announcements are done. Is that all, Jeddie?JEDIDIAHI, ah — I just wanted to let you know that the delivery is on track to arrive this evening.SYDNEYThank you, Jedidiah, for telling me.Well, kids, we’re about done with the announcements anyway, aren’t we? Stay extra safe today. I’ll see you all at lunch — or sooner, if you happen to get hurt! Remember, go to Jedidiah. And have a merry breakfast, you all.[CLICK]
[CLICK]SYDNEYBreathe out, campers. We’ve clawed our way to another lunchtime, and it may have left our fingers bloody — but hey, what are forks for?I want to thank all the children who are reporting their Elephant Man sightings to me. It is a comfort for me to know exactly what he’s up to, even if it’s exactly what I expected him to be up to — that is, being a creep. Reports claim he’s acting quite brazen, not even retreating when spotted, just staring at passersby and eliciting small doses of that terrible, uncontrollable fervor. He appears to be watching for something — the right opportunity to strike, perhaps? Like yesterday, I advise you all to be on your guard and run away if you encounter him; and if he fills any of you counselors with fervor, you should use that motivation to, like, attack him.By the way, with regard to the people who have started pranking the Splendid Advice Unicorn by playing him recordings of his own advice back at him, which he then proceeds to follow since it’s so convincing: he has informed us that it’s within our best interests to —[HE PAUSES]Elijah… the… Elephant Man… is outside… my window.He’s right there. Right outside my window with his face and his hands pressed up to the glass. No mask… he’s just looking at me. The window… [YAWN] doesn’t seem to block his power at all… I…H-Ha… haha… have you ever been… so scared you wanted to run… but so drowsy you couldn’t if you tried? It’s a… it’s a unique experience. Would…. would recommend.Um. Any… any help would be… would be nice… any counselors listening… campers, don’t, don’t trouble yourselves, but if any counselors could come over and… yell, scare him off… I… he’s just looking at me…Gotta stay awake… I… look at the floor. Look at the… little stains and cracks in the linoleum tile… haha. That one’s shaped kind of like an aardvark. No one’s here… no one in the window, no need to look up… nothing…He’s still here… [Growing a bit panicked] he’s just looking at me… where… is everyone? Am I alone… ? No one’s coming… where’s Jedidiah? Someone… help me… I’m alone with him… he’s just looking at me!![JEDIDIAH BURSTS IN]JEDIDIAHGET AWAY! GET AWAY!SYDNEYOh my God.JEDIDIAHBack… ! Okay. He’s gone.SYDNEYWhere — did you get that gun?JEDIDIAHIt’s Lucille’s.SYDNEYShe’s letting you borrow it…?JEDIDIAHKind of.SYDNEYJedidiah!JEDIDIAHCan we discuss this when the loudspeaker is off?SYDNEYAhhhh. Okay. Ahh….I… need a hug…JEDIDIAHAh. Yeah. Here.[THEY HUG. SYDNEY BEGINS TO LAUGH]JEDIDIAHWhat?SYDNEYYou are so bad at hugging.JEDIDIAH[Laughing] Well. My mother never taught me.SYDNEYMine neither, and you don’t see me making excuses.JEDIDIAHS-Sorry…[THEY EXIT THE EMBRACE; SYDNEY TURNS BACK TO HIS MICROPHONE]SYDNEYCampers… I’m… sorry you had to hear all of that. I…I can’t…Mmah… have a good lunch, campers.[CLICK]
[CLICK]SYDNEYGood evening, campers. The afternoon has staggered by, leaving fear unresolved in its wake.Since the incident at lunch, no further sightings of the Elephant Man have been reported. I’m not letting my guard down, but I’m glad that you all seem to be feeling okay. Some of you seem positively jolly, even — like earlier today, I saw the kids of Cabin Dung Beetle prancing around and whispering together, having a grand old time. In fact, I see them outside the window now… they’re all in a group… they’re heading towards the bonfire… Natsume’s got something in his arms… a big jar of… ultraviolet, glittery powder? Is that… nightmare powder? Yes.Oh, shit.[SYDNEY GETS UP AND RUNS OUT OF THE ROOM, KNOCKING HIS CHAIR OVER IN THE PROCESS. HE SLAMS THE DOOR BEHIND HIM][THERE IS A CACOPHONY OF NOISE: TERRIBLE, CHAOTIC NOISE. CHILDREN AND ADULTS BEGIN TO SCREAM IN A RISING CRESCENDO. THUNDERING FOOTSTEPS, SMASHING AND CRASHING; ALL MUFFLED BY THE WALLS][KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK][KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]TONY 1EY! GOT A PACKAGE ‘ERE FOR, EHH, UHHHhhh… [Botching the pronunciation ] JED-DID-ID-IAH! J-EH, J-DI-UH, A “J” NAME!TONY 2ANY [Botching the pronunciation the same way] JED-DID-ID-IAHS IN HERE, WE’VE GOT A PACKAGE FOR YA!TONY 1I gotta say, Tony, this room looks pretty, ehhhhh… what’s the word…TONY 2Empty?TONY 1Yes! Yeah, Tony, empty. It’s kinda empty in here.TONY 2Well, look around. This was the delivery address. He’s gotta be hidin’ in here somewhere…[JEDIDIAH RUNS IN, HARRIED AND OUT OF BREATH]JEDIDIAHYou… the two of you… did you see Sydney on… your way i-in here… ?TONY 1Heyyyyy, there’s a guy right there!TONY 2Ah, good eye, Tony!TONY 1Might even be the specific guy we’re lookin’ for.TONY 2I dunno. Jed-die-did-dia’s a stupid name for an ugly loser. This guy is only one of those things.TONY 1Good point.JEDIDIAHI — don’t have time for the whole routine today — !TONY 1By the by, glasses guy, you happen to know what exactly is goin’ on in this camp here on this day?TONY 2It’s Sodom and Gamorrah out there.TONY 1Everyone runnin’ and screamin’ and tearin’ at their face-flesh like they got busted by the bulls. It’s crazy out there!TONY 2Youse folks have a shindig get outta hand?TONY 1Oof, we been there.TONY 2Oh, yeah, we been there.TONY 1I could tell ya stories!JEDIDIAHCan you both shut! Up!TONY 1Whoa, woah there, buddy, no need to get worked up.TONY 2Cool your jets, hoss, no need to make a fuss.TONY 1Take it easy.JEDIDIAHDid you see Sydney? On your way in here? That’s all you need to say. Did you see Sydney?TONY 1Ehh, Sydney… ?TONY 2Don’t know nobody named Sydney, hoss.JEDIDIAHYou’ve delivered a package to him before? You — you liked him. He’s — pretty short, his hair is dark and — and really long…TONY 1Oh, oh, kind of — kind of, ah —TONY 2Kind of a curvaceous guy, no?JEDIDIAHI —TONY 1Yeah, yeah, kind of a voluptuous fella?TONY 2You don’t often see hips like that on a man.TONY 1It’s refreshing!TONY 2That’s exactly what it is, Tony,TONY 1Yes!TONY 2It’s refreshing.TONY 1Yes!TONY 2I support it wholeheartedly.TONY 1So, ehhh… are we talkin’ ‘bout the curvy guy?JEDIDIAHThere — are some issues with — identifying him that way, but —TONY 2Well, don’t beat around the bush, are you talkin’ about the curvy guy or not?JEDIDIAHI do think we’re talking about the same person —TONY 1Ey, Tony, why’s this guy refuse to admit that this “Sydney” of his is a voluptuous, full-figured man?TONY 2I can’t say I quite get it either, Tony.JEDIDIAHI asked you a simple question —TONY 2You’re only disservicin’ your friend here by denyin’ his assets!TONY 1You ashamed of him or somethin’? You think there’s somethin’ wrong with the way he was made?JEDIDIAHI don’t — I — I admit he does — have — n-nice hips —TONY 1Oh, well, now you’re just fetishizin’ him.TONY 2Deplorable.JEDIDIAHDID YOU SEE SYDNEY LEAVING OR NOT?TONY 1Oh, yeah, just a few minutes ago.TONY 2Yeah, well, he was sort of unconscious.TONY 1Yeah, looked sound asleep. And he was bein’ carried by some guy wearing a funny mask, looked like a, uhh…TONY 2An elephant!TONY 1Right! An elephant.[SILENCE]JEDEDIAH…Thank you. I have to go.TONY 1WAAAAIT!TONY 2YER PACKAGE, YA QUACK!JEDIDIAHRight — ugh — thank you —[HE TAKES THE PACKAGE AND RUSHES OUT]TONY 1Sheesh. What was the deal with that guy, huh, Tony?TONY 2Some people, Tony. Some people.[THE TONIES TURN THE RECORDER OFF OUT OF COURTESY.][CLICK]
[AUDIO OF A PHONE CALL CONNECTING.]LUCILLE[Pre-recorded] What.ROBOT VOICEYour call has been forwarded to an automatic voice-messaging system. At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, you may hang up, or press 1 for more options. [BEEP]JEDIDIAHLucille. Hey, I know you don’t check your voicemail… but… [Sigh] I guess I’m hoping that if I die tonight, you’ll feel motivated to listen to this. I don’t know. Either way, I have to say something to someone.[Inhale] So… here’s what you’ve missed since the last time you locked your office door. The kids in Cabin Dungbeetle… I guess the Elephant Man, uhhh, talked them into helping him? They… they dumped all of their nightmare powder, all at once, into the bonfire. And while everyone was freaking out, having fucked-up hallucinations… . the Elephant Man swooped in. It was — it was the perfect setup, because he… he got to rescue us. His weird fervor effects, they — canceled out the nightmare powder. He dragged everyone up out of this hell he’d created and filled them with the cleansing light of his faith. I don’t think anyone in camp actually worships Sydney, like this guy does. But the Elephant Man takes their fear and gives it a direction… I think they worship that. So they let him take Sydney away.I was — I mean, I — I don’t really know how to explain it, but the Elephant Man’s powers don’t… work on me? I’ve no idea why. Maybe I just — well, I could theorize, but the point is that they don’t. So while everyone else was aglow with the saving joy of a new purpose, I was still in the nightmare realm. I was… pretty dizzy. Not very stable. I tried to chase after the congregation as they left, but… anyway. The point is, he took Sydney into the forest. And — everyone. He took everyone into the forest, but you, of course; and whatever they’re gonna do in there… [HE SHUDDERS]So now I’m in the forest… trying to kill a priest. I have no idea where they are — despite the commotion just a few minutes ago, everything’s quiet now; and the trees seem to twist and shift frantically, like they’re filled with a fervor of their own. I brought one of your guns with me — sorry — but I don’t really know how to use it, and I don’t wanna accidentally kill a kid, so it’s just for show… you keep saying you’re gonna teach me. Get on that. But I’ve got something else too — a secret weapon that might save our lives. See, Sydney told me this story — how one time, the Elephant Man was looking in through the window when the power went out, and it disturbed him so much he just ran away. Me and Sydney think that what actually freaked him out was his own reflection. If his power is activated by sight — maybe we can turn it against him, right? So… I ordered a handheld mirror. When the time is right, I’ll hold it up to his face and pray.[Inhale] I know this is gonna be hard for you, but I’d really appreciate it if you called in the authorities as quickly as possible. If the mirror ploy works, we’ll need someone to take the Elephant Man away, and if it doesn’t… we’ll need someone more equipped to handle the situation in the forest than me.And, one last thing… if Sydney comes back to camp and I — don’t… please play the following portion of this message for Sydney.Uh… [ahem] Sydney, I…Um.I love you.…Bye.[CLICK]
Today’s episode was written by Blue Mayfield and Nicholas Belov. The part of Sydney Sargent was played by Blue Mayfield. The part of Jedidiah Martin was played by Nicholas Belov. The part of Lucille Bertuccelli was played by Susan Dohan. The part of Tony 1 was played by Tom Antonellis. The part of Tony 2 was played by Gianni Matragrano.Camp Here & There is the sole intellectual property of its production company, Mayfield & Belov. All music composed by Will Wood, and produced by Jonathon Maisto. Sound editing by Emily Safko and Blue Mayfield. Special thanks to our Patrons: Chance, M, ChaiTeacup, Sunflowerprince, Lark Pelletier, Axolotl Mint Addison, Maxine!!! Sodaur, and Connor H.For behind-the-scenes material, exclusive canonical content, interactive events, and early episode access, consider signing up for our Patreon at patreon.com/mayfieldandbelov. Our discord server is a great place to meet like-minded fellows and discuss today’s episode — find the link at mayfieldandbelov.com. Lastly, if you’d like to support us, the best thing you can do is to spread the word about the show.Thank you for listening to Camp Here & There! And remember: They call it a “heartbeat” because your heart looks like a beet! Like the vegetable.
[CLICK][DING]SYDNEYTally hello, assorted breakfast-wanters. It’s 8:60 in the morning and the moon, you’ll note, is acting like it — that is, she’s nowhere to be seen. How sad — it seems she’s shelved her dreams of self-actualization in favor of what she feels is her duty. Well, if it was up to me, I’d say the moon should be whatever she wants to be, and to hell with the ties that bind her. Abandon us to the night! We can handle it.Ahhhhh, to overthrow nature…Anywhat. In light of recent events, I’m saddled with the unfortunate task of letting you all know that the nurse’s office is on semi-lockdown until further notice, and anyone who desires medical attention must be personally escorted by Jedidiah in order to be allowed inside. I really am sorry for this, because the possibility that some of you might experience a delay in care is distressing, but we simply can’t take any risks about someone unwelcome slipping in. I reassure you that I’m still looking after them — look, I’m waving through the window! Do you see me?Not much to report this morning — thanks to the extended security measures you’ve already been briefed on, nothing too crazy has had the opportunity to happen. I guess the most interesting thing that has happened was that failed ritual Cabin Dung Beetle seemed to carry out this morning. What was the deal with that? All of you marched out to the bonfire in a phalanx, holding the once-stolen sentimental objects that the Elephant Man mysteriously returned last week, and you tossed them into the flame. Then you stood there, holding hands and chanting as if… well, I’m not sure I want to guess. [HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.] Anyway, nothing really happened, and in the end you all slowly drifted away like a bunch of disappointed continents. But… forgive me… I’m a bit jumpy today. Was all of that — ?Ah — ! Look who it is! Jedidiah, come on in.JEDIDIAHMallory scraped her knee.SYDNEYOh, dear, alright. Take a seat in that cot, Mallory, we’ll have a look at you as soon as announcements are done. Is that all, Jeddie?JEDIDIAHI, ah — I just wanted to let you know that the delivery is on track to arrive this evening.SYDNEYThank you, Jedidiah, for telling me.Well, kids, we’re about done with the announcements anyway, aren’t we? Stay extra safe today. I’ll see you all at lunch — or sooner, if you happen to get hurt! Remember, go to Jedidiah. And have a merry breakfast, you all.[CLICK]
[CLICK]SYDNEYBreathe out, campers. We’ve clawed our way to another lunchtime, and it may have left our fingers bloody — but hey, what are forks for?I want to thank all the children who are reporting their Elephant Man sightings to me. It is a comfort for me to know exactly what he’s up to, even if it’s exactly what I expected him to be up to — that is, being a creep. Reports claim he’s acting quite brazen, not even retreating when spotted, just staring at passersby and eliciting small doses of that terrible, uncontrollable fervor. He appears to be watching for something — the right opportunity to strike, perhaps? Like yesterday, I advise you all to be on your guard and run away if you encounter him; and if he fills any of you counselors with fervor, you should use that motivation to, like, attack him.By the way, with regard to the people who have started pranking the Splendid Advice Unicorn by playing him recordings of his own advice back at him, which he then proceeds to follow since it’s so convincing: he has informed us that it’s within our best interests to —[HE PAUSES]Elijah… the… Elephant Man… is outside… my window.He’s right there. Right outside my window with his face and his hands pressed up to the glass. No mask… he’s just looking at me. The window… [YAWN] doesn’t seem to block his power at all… I…H-Ha… haha… have you ever been… so scared you wanted to run… but so drowsy you couldn’t if you tried? It’s a… it’s a unique experience. Would…. would recommend.Um. Any… any help would be… would be nice… any counselors listening… campers, don’t, don’t trouble yourselves, but if any counselors could come over and… yell, scare him off… I… he’s just looking at me…Gotta stay awake… I… look at the floor. Look at the… little stains and cracks in the linoleum tile… haha. That one’s shaped kind of like an aardvark. No one’s here… no one in the window, no need to look up… nothing…He’s still here… [Growing a bit panicked] he’s just looking at me… where… is everyone? Am I alone… ? No one’s coming… where’s Jedidiah? Someone… help me… I’m alone with him… he’s just looking at me!![JEDIDIAH BURSTS IN]JEDIDIAHGET AWAY! GET AWAY!SYDNEYOh my God.JEDIDIAHBack… ! Okay. He’s gone.SYDNEYWhere — did you get that gun?JEDIDIAHIt’s Lucille’s.SYDNEYShe’s letting you borrow it…?JEDIDIAHKind of.SYDNEYJedidiah!JEDIDIAHCan we discuss this when the loudspeaker is off?SYDNEYAhhhh. Okay. Ahh….I… need a hug…JEDIDIAHAh. Yeah. Here.[THEY HUG. SYDNEY BEGINS TO LAUGH]JEDIDIAHWhat?SYDNEYYou are so bad at hugging.JEDIDIAH[Laughing] Well. My mother never taught me.SYDNEYMine neither, and you don’t see me making excuses.JEDIDIAHS-Sorry…[THEY EXIT THE EMBRACE; SYDNEY TURNS BACK TO HIS MICROPHONE]SYDNEYCampers… I’m… sorry you had to hear all of that. I…I can’t…Mmah… have a good lunch, campers.[CLICK]
[CLICK]SYDNEYGood evening, campers. The afternoon has staggered by, leaving fear unresolved in its wake.Since the incident at lunch, no further sightings of the Elephant Man have been reported. I’m not letting my guard down, but I’m glad that you all seem to be feeling okay. Some of you seem positively jolly, even — like earlier today, I saw the kids of Cabin Dung Beetle prancing around and whispering together, having a grand old time. In fact, I see them outside the window now… they’re all in a group… they’re heading towards the bonfire… Natsume’s got something in his arms… a big jar of… ultraviolet, glittery powder? Is that… nightmare powder? Yes.Oh, shit.[SYDNEY GETS UP AND RUNS OUT OF THE ROOM, KNOCKING HIS CHAIR OVER IN THE PROCESS. HE SLAMS THE DOOR BEHIND HIM][THERE IS A CACOPHONY OF NOISE: TERRIBLE, CHAOTIC NOISE. CHILDREN AND ADULTS BEGIN TO SCREAM IN A RISING CRESCENDO. THUNDERING FOOTSTEPS, SMASHING AND CRASHING; ALL MUFFLED BY THE WALLS][KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK][KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]TONY 1EY! GOT A PACKAGE ‘ERE FOR, EHH, UHHHhhh… [Botching the pronunciation ] JED-DID-ID-IAH! J-EH, J-DI-UH, A “J” NAME!TONY 2ANY [Botching the pronunciation the same way] JED-DID-ID-IAHS IN HERE, WE’VE GOT A PACKAGE FOR YA!TONY 1I gotta say, Tony, this room looks pretty, ehhhhh… what’s the word…TONY 2Empty?TONY 1Yes! Yeah, Tony, empty. It’s kinda empty in here.TONY 2Well, look around. This was the delivery address. He’s gotta be hidin’ in here somewhere…[JEDIDIAH RUNS IN, HARRIED AND OUT OF BREATH]JEDIDIAHYou… the two of you… did you see Sydney on… your way i-in here… ?TONY 1Heyyyyy, there’s a guy right there!TONY 2Ah, good eye, Tony!TONY 1Might even be the specific guy we’re lookin’ for.TONY 2I dunno. Jed-die-did-dia’s a stupid name for an ugly loser. This guy is only one of those things.TONY 1Good point.JEDIDIAHI — don’t have time for the whole routine today — !TONY 1By the by, glasses guy, you happen to know what exactly is goin’ on in this camp here on this day?TONY 2It’s Sodom and Gamorrah out there.TONY 1Everyone runnin’ and screamin’ and tearin’ at their face-flesh like they got busted by the bulls. It’s crazy out there!TONY 2Youse folks have a shindig get outta hand?TONY 1Oof, we been there.TONY 2Oh, yeah, we been there.TONY 1I could tell ya stories!JEDIDIAHCan you both shut! Up!TONY 1Whoa, woah there, buddy, no need to get worked up.TONY 2Cool your jets, hoss, no need to make a fuss.TONY 1Take it easy.JEDIDIAHDid you see Sydney? On your way in here? That’s all you need to say. Did you see Sydney?TONY 1Ehh, Sydney… ?TONY 2Don’t know nobody named Sydney, hoss.JEDIDIAHYou’ve delivered a package to him before? You — you liked him. He’s — pretty short, his hair is dark and — and really long…TONY 1Oh, oh, kind of — kind of, ah —TONY 2Kind of a curvaceous guy, no?JEDIDIAHI —TONY 1Yeah, yeah, kind of a voluptuous fella?TONY 2You don’t often see hips like that on a man.TONY 1It’s refreshing!TONY 2That’s exactly what it is, Tony,TONY 1Yes!TONY 2It’s refreshing.TONY 1Yes!TONY 2I support it wholeheartedly.TONY 1So, ehhh… are we talkin’ ‘bout the curvy guy?JEDIDIAHThere — are some issues with — identifying him that way, but —TONY 2Well, don’t beat around the bush, are you talkin’ about the curvy guy or not?JEDIDIAHI do think we’re talking about the same person —TONY 1Ey, Tony, why’s this guy refuse to admit that this “Sydney” of his is a voluptuous, full-figured man?TONY 2I can’t say I quite get it either, Tony.JEDIDIAHI asked you a simple question —TONY 2You’re only disservicin’ your friend here by denyin’ his assets!TONY 1You ashamed of him or somethin’? You think there’s somethin’ wrong with the way he was made?JEDIDIAHI don’t — I — I admit he does — have — n-nice hips —TONY 1Oh, well, now you’re just fetishizin’ him.TONY 2Deplorable.JEDIDIAHDID YOU SEE SYDNEY LEAVING OR NOT?TONY 1Oh, yeah, just a few minutes ago.TONY 2Yeah, well, he was sort of unconscious.TONY 1Yeah, looked sound asleep. And he was bein’ carried by some guy wearing a funny mask, looked like a, uhh…TONY 2An elephant!TONY 1Right! An elephant.[SILENCE]JEDEDIAH…Thank you. I have to go.TONY 1WAAAAIT!TONY 2YER PACKAGE, YA QUACK!JEDIDIAHRight — ugh — thank you —[HE TAKES THE PACKAGE AND RUSHES OUT]TONY 1Sheesh. What was the deal with that guy, huh, Tony?TONY 2Some people, Tony. Some people.[THE TONIES TURN THE RECORDER OFF OUT OF COURTESY.][CLICK]
[AUDIO OF A PHONE CALL CONNECTING.]LUCILLE[Pre-recorded] What.ROBOT VOICEYour call has been forwarded to an automatic voice-messaging system. At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, you may hang up, or press 1 for more options. [BEEP]JEDIDIAHLucille. Hey, I know you don’t check your voicemail… but… [Sigh] I guess I’m hoping that if I die tonight, you’ll feel motivated to listen to this. I don’t know. Either way, I have to say something to someone.[Inhale] So… here’s what you’ve missed since the last time you locked your office door. The kids in Cabin Dungbeetle… I guess the Elephant Man, uhhh, talked them into helping him? They… they dumped all of their nightmare powder, all at once, into the bonfire. And while everyone was freaking out, having fucked-up hallucinations… . the Elephant Man swooped in. It was — it was the perfect setup, because he… he got to rescue us. His weird fervor effects, they — canceled out the nightmare powder. He dragged everyone up out of this hell he’d created and filled them with the cleansing light of his faith. I don’t think anyone in camp actually worships Sydney, like this guy does. But the Elephant Man takes their fear and gives it a direction… I think they worship that. So they let him take Sydney away.I was — I mean, I — I don’t really know how to explain it, but the Elephant Man’s powers don’t… work on me? I’ve no idea why. Maybe I just — well, I could theorize, but the point is that they don’t. So while everyone else was aglow with the saving joy of a new purpose, I was still in the nightmare realm. I was… pretty dizzy. Not very stable. I tried to chase after the congregation as they left, but… anyway. The point is, he took Sydney into the forest. And — everyone. He took everyone into the forest, but you, of course; and whatever they’re gonna do in there… [HE SHUDDERS]So now I’m in the forest… trying to kill a priest. I have no idea where they are — despite the commotion just a few minutes ago, everything’s quiet now; and the trees seem to twist and shift frantically, like they’re filled with a fervor of their own. I brought one of your guns with me — sorry — but I don’t really know how to use it, and I don’t wanna accidentally kill a kid, so it’s just for show… you keep saying you’re gonna teach me. Get on that. But I’ve got something else too — a secret weapon that might save our lives. See, Sydney told me this story — how one time, the Elephant Man was looking in through the window when the power went out, and it disturbed him so much he just ran away. Me and Sydney think that what actually freaked him out was his own reflection. If his power is activated by sight — maybe we can turn it against him, right? So… I ordered a handheld mirror. When the time is right, I’ll hold it up to his face and pray.[Inhale] I know this is gonna be hard for you, but I’d really appreciate it if you called in the authorities as quickly as possible. If the mirror ploy works, we’ll need someone to take the Elephant Man away, and if it doesn’t… we’ll need someone more equipped to handle the situation in the forest than me.And, one last thing… if Sydney comes back to camp and I — don’t… please play the following portion of this message for Sydney.Uh… [ahem] Sydney, I…Um.I love you.…Bye.[CLICK]
Today’s episode was written by Blue Mayfield and Nicholas Belov. The part of Sydney Sargent was played by Blue Mayfield. The part of Jedidiah Martin was played by Nicholas Belov. The part of Lucille Bertuccelli was played by Susan Dohan. The part of Tony 1 was played by Tom Antonellis. The part of Tony 2 was played by Gianni Matragrano.Camp Here & There is the sole intellectual property of its production company, Mayfield & Belov. All music composed by Will Wood, and produced by Jonathon Maisto. Sound editing by Emily Safko and Blue Mayfield. Special thanks to our Patrons: Chance, M, ChaiTeacup, Sunflowerprince, Lark Pelletier, Axolotl Mint Addison, Maxine!!! Sodaur, and Connor H.For behind-the-scenes material, exclusive canonical content, interactive events, and early episode access, consider signing up for our Patreon at patreon.com/mayfieldandbelov. Our discord server is a great place to meet like-minded fellows and discuss today’s episode — find the link at mayfieldandbelov.com. Lastly, if you’d like to support us, the best thing you can do is to spread the word about the show.Thank you for listening to Camp Here & There! And remember: They call it a “heartbeat” because your heart looks like a beet! Like the vegetable.
